How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
