Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
