I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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