You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
