i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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