Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
