DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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