I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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