Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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