physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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