sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
