Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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