Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
