What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
