You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
