you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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