I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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