I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
