if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
