i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
