So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
