Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
