Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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