I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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