One girl and one boy is just not enough.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
