He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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