you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
