she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
