3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
