so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
