im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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