Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
