Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
