I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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