none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
