The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
