Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
