dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
