Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
