About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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