It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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