i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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