my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Never underestimate the power of titties
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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