Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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