Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
