I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
