you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
