i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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