Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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