worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
