Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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