I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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