FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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