Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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