What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
