I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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