idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
