Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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