Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
