i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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