Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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