Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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