I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
