Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
