She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
