Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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