I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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