Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
